My Interview with Borat
10/11/2008

My continued fictional interview with the next President of the United States

Yesnut:  Mr. Borat, let's talk now about your economic vision for America.  To begin, you blame President Bush, and by association John McCain, for all of America's economic problems.  To quote, "George Bush has dug quite a hole for us."  So I thought we could review some things for clarification.

Can you cite one economic policy that has dug a hole for us?

Borat:  Yes, the war in Iraq.  We could really use that money, for things like, um, the military!

Yesnut:  Well, I'm not sure the war in Iraq in an economic policy, per se.  But do we need to again discuss who voted to fund it?

Borat:  Whatever.

Yesnut.  Ok.  You have said that deregulation is responsible for the housing bust that has thrown the financial markets into chaos.

Borat:  Yes indeed.  You see, we Democrats believe in a regulated society.  Free enterprise has proven that it is unable to regulate itself.  The laws of supply and demand are not true, their just outdated Republican concepts. What we need is a good federal Democrat, err, bureaucrat to make sure that everything works properly and is fair.  Consumers and businesses are unable to make those distinctions and cannot regulate themselves.  Further, we need to eliminate greed.

Yesnut:  What is greed, exactly?

Borat:  Profit!  Well, I guess excessive profit is more like it.  A little profit is ok.

Yesnut:  You mean like big oil companies?

Borat:  Indeed.  Look at the size of their revenue.

Yesnut:  Yes, their revenue is almost as much as the government's!

Borat:  Well, that might be true, but at least we operate at a loss!  Look at the profits those guys make!

Yesnut:  So free enterprise shouldn't really be free?

Borat:  It should be free, but the government must play a role, like a silent business partner, living in a civil union.

Yesnut:  Ok, getting back to the financial markets.  Weren't risky loans made because Democrats were pressuring banks to help poor people?

Borat:  No.  The problem is that we didn't have more control over banks.  You can't meddle with business only part way.  We meddled in the beginning by encouraging them to make risky loans, but we didn't meddle in the end, where it needed more regulation.

Yesnut:  So, more meddling.

Borat:  Yes, more meddling.

Yesnut:  Not to belabor the point, but didn't the White House and John McCain warn congress about Fannie and Freddie spinning out of control?  Didn't the Democrats on the oversight committee give Fannie and Freddie their full endorsement?

Borat:  Yes, but we had an internal problem.  One of our guys was sleeping with one of the Freddie guys.  These types of internal problems will be cleaned up when I'm Prez.  President Bush failed to regulate who was sleeping with who in the last years.  Failure.

Yesnut:  Ok.  Let's talk about another "outdated Republican concept" that you mentioned in your acceptance speech.  You seemed to belittle what you call, "the ownership society".  Why is ownership so bad?

Borat:  Yes.  Ownership is on its way out.  It's a failed Republican idea that makes rich people rich.  I believe in elevating poor people to the middle class, the middle class to the middle class, and the wealthy to the middle class.  Then everything is equal.  Ownership is selfish.  Sharing is patriotic.

Yesnut:  Ok.  So when you told the plumber in Toledo, Ohio, that you want to "spread the wealth around", you really meant it!

Borat:  Yes.  For example, it will help plumbers to confiscate their money, give it to other people who are in need, who could then, in turn, give it right back to the plumbers for new pipes.  Everybody wins!

Yesnut:  I see.  But some people have labeled taxation as tyranny.

Borat:  Indeed it is tyranny.  That is why I want to tax only only the rich. What are they going to do, raise an army!  Hahahaaa.  But seriously, it's important to inform the masses that confiscating wealth is patriotic.  It empowers the government to do all the great things we want to do.  And boy do we want to do a lot of things!  Bottom line, we need the cash!

Yesnut:  I see.  I guess that's why in one of the primary debates you put your little fingers together and said, "just a little more... a little more."  I was reminded of a crack addict who was looking for his next...

Borat:  Uhhh, do you have a question here?

Yesnut:  Sorry.  Moving on.  You have railed against the Bush Tax cuts, which lowered taxes for all Americans and flattened the progressive rates.  Why was this so bad?  Isn't it more fair that way?

Borat:  By lowering taxes we reduce the amount of revenue that the government takes in initially.  This kept more money in the hands of the people.  That's a no no.  We need the government to receive the money and spread it around.  I'm a spreader.  I like to spread.  Further, the more money one makes, the more they should give back, not just in dollars, but in percentages.  Fair is fair!

Yesnut:  Is this why your Hollywood friends gave you nine million dollars, so you would go raise their taxes?

Borat:  Indeed.  They really get it.

Yesnut:  You have also said that economic growth is built from the ground up.  Would you like to explain?

Borat:  Yes, by inducing consumption - you might have previously called this "demand" - businesses will need to produce more goods and services, thus hire workers, etc.  This is stimulating.

Yesnut:  Kind of like Bush's tax rebates that put cash in the hands of Americans?

Borat:  No no no.  That was different because he didn't raise taxes on the businesses.  That's the key!

Yesnut:  Let's talk about tax philosophy for a moment.  What is the primary purpose of taxation?

Borat:  What?

Yesnut:  Well, should taxation be used to manipulate the economy, or should it be used to fund the operations of government?

Borat:  You're weird.

(To be continued)