My Interview with Borat
10/11/2008

Yesnut: Mr. Borat, thank you for taking time out of your world campaign to chat with me.  I will try not to embarrass you with my questions.  So let's begin.  You have stated repeatedly that you have opposed the Iraq war from the beginning.  Since you were in the Illinois Senate at the time of the invasion, how exactly did you oppose the war?

Borat:  I told my wife repeatedly that I was against it.  Plus, whenever I could bash President Bush in public, I did so.  My record has been consistent.

Yesnut:  Are you mad at your fellow Democrats for supporting the war from the beginning?

Borat:  Hey now, let's be clear.  My fellow Democrats voted to authorize the war, not to actually go to war.  This is Bush's war, man.  If I said, "Hey, here's five dollars so you can buy a hamburger", does that mean I really want you go out and actually buy a hamburger?  I don't think so, and the American people don't think so either.  So let's get that straight.  And the important thing is not that we started a war, it's that whole middle and end part that is important.

Yesnut:  I see.  But later in the US Congress you did vote to fund the Iraq operations?

Borat:  I did vote for funding.  But I also voted against it.  I've done both.  But mostly I just didn't vote - I was way too busy campaigning.

Yesnut:  Let's talk about that pullout date that you want so badly.  Why should the funding of war operations be conditioned by a withdrawal date?  Aren't the two separate issues?

Borat:  Well, the troops deserve the financial backing needed to conduct a war.  At the same time, I want us to end the war.  So yes, they are two separate issues, but it's much more efficient to combine bills.  It saves paper.

Yesnut:  I see.  Initially you wanted a nine month withdrawal plan from Iraq.  Then, in the midst of your campaign you extended it to sixteen months.  Now, as we get closer to the election, you simply say that you want to end the war "responsibly".  My question is, when did the light bulb go off in your head?

Borat:  Let's be clear, the American people know that a withdrawal date doesn't mean a withdrawal of responsibility, nor a responsibility to withdraw.  I have always said that I would be a responsible withdrawer.  You see, we can withdraw in one month and be responsible.  We can withdraw in three months and be irresponsible.  Or, we can withdraw in ten months and be responsible one day and irresponsible on the next.  The point is, I'll be responsible, even when pulling out means victory for Al Qaeda.

Yesnut.  Ok.  Moving on.  Do you recall when the media pleaded with President Bush to admit that he made mistakes in Iraq?

Borat:  I do.  It's important for a president to humble himself before the world.

Yesnut.  Ok, so can you now admit that it was a mistake to oppose the surge in Iraq, that John McCain was right, that it has been a significant military success?.  Also, can you now admit that you wanted to pull out of Iraq at the exact moment that would have assured failure, that pulling out in a whimper could have led to an unstable Iraq with Al Qaeda on stronger footing?

Borat:  Look, if I were president we wouldn't need a surge because we would be in Afghanistan looking for Osama.

Yesnut:  So you want to end the war in Iraq and put troops in Afghanistan?

Borat:  We need to get Osama.  And make no mistake, I would bomb the Kremlin if it meant killing Osama.

Yesnut:  So "ending the war" really means "moving the war"?

Borat:  Not really.  When Bush and his evil oil men invaded Afghanistan - which I then supported - that was war number one.  When we invaded Iraq - which I didn't support - that was war number two.  But that war was not related to anything, let alone 9/11, so it was like a non war as far as I was concerned.  But since we used some of our resources from Afghanistan, that effectively ended that war, so we were really down to just zero wars.  Of course, we are still operating in two locations.  But when I remove troops from Iraq, we'll be minus one war.  That puts us at something like negative one.  Then, when I put more troops to Afghanistan, that is like continuing the first war that Bush ended - that I supported.  So, we are now back to zero.

Plus, I know where Osama is.  He's in the hills of Pakistan.

Yesnut.  Ok.  Did you try calling him, say, on your cell phone? 

Borat: hahahaaaaa

Yesnut: Seriously, but weren't we dropping daisy cutters on the hills of Pakistan, killing everyone within miles?

Borat:  Yes, but that was part of the failed policies of the last eight years.  My strategy is not to bomb the caves, but to go in the caves.  Now that's a change the American people can believe in.

Yesnut:  Let's talk about Iran for a moment.  You agree with President Bush that Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon.

Borat:  No.  I don't agree with Bush on anything.  It is my policy that Iran shall not have a nuclear weapon.

Yesnut:  Fine.  But if a confrontation were to happen with Iran, won't we need troops?

Borat:  I would imagine.

Yesnut:  So you would then have to move troops from Afghanistan back to.... um, Iraq?

(To be Continued)